Being nice is slowly killing you. Let's keep you alive.
Thanks for spending 30 minutes with me. Here are the slides, plus all 5 steps to creating and enforcing boundaries of steel, so the next time a yes is halfway out of your mouth, you’ve got backup. Because practice makes better.
SEND ME THE SLIDES + CHECKLIST
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If you nodded through the whole talk, you're in good company.
Medicine trained us to put everyone else first, and it worked a little too well (I ended up in the hospital with a stomach ulcer as a surgical resident, and no, it wasn’t H. pylori). And the cost is real: in the Framingham Offspring Study, women who kept quiet during fights with their husbands had 4 times the risk of dying in the next 10 years, from anything.
The 5 steps to
boundaries of steel
Awareness
Know where your boundaries are, and that it's your job to stop crossing them.
Disappoint them, not you
You’ll never please everyone, so you might as well start with yourself.
Say it like it is
Communicate your boundaries clearly and directly. People can’t respect a line they can’t see.
Have your own back
Follow through when people don’t respect your boundaries. Because some won’t.
Love and compassion
Be kind to yourself while you practice. If you wouldn’t say it to a 4-year-old, don’t say it to yourself.
Two ways to keep going
Some of you want to keep working on your boundaries. Some of you want a business built around them.
LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP COACHING
For when the boundaries are the hard part. We work 1:1 on people-pleasing, guilt, and relationships that grew up around all your yeses, so you can unbecome everything you’re not and live as your full self.
THE DOCTOR'S PIVOT
For when the business is the hard part. I build coaching businesses for women physicians, from the offer and pricing to the website and emails, so your time goes into coaching your clients.
In their words
I felt a strong need to be very honest with my mother about who I was and how I wanted to live my life, even though I knew that she would disapprove. I thought it was possible that she would disown me... Some of the most valuable tools were the scripts that I could use with myself and my mom in my most difficult moments... In the end, I didn’t lose my mother, although it was rocky for a while. Since that time, I’ve been extraordinarily free of fear and the need to conform to what others think.
Sabrina Marie Chase, PhD, Anthropologist and Scholarly Diviner
Since working with Manuela, I have had more tools to foster my own creativity, work through challenging situations with my children, and let go of the expectations of people around me in order to fully embrace my true self. Working with Manuela was one of the greatest investments of my life, with an absolutely incredible return.
Dr. B, Pediatric Gastroenterologist and Writer
I was wasting hours online watching tutorials on how to build a webpage and develop email funnels, all things that were completely foreign to me and I had no interest in learning... Manuela’s all-inclusive, done-for-you package was exactly what I needed. I am blown away by how seamless and fun this process has been. I feel like an actual professional entrepreneur now!
Dr. Kali Theis, Pediatrician and Founder of The Sober Docs
20 years as a breast cancer surgeon. Most of them as a world-class people-pleaser.
I trained at Memorial Sloan Kettering, worked at New York Presbyterian, and ran my own practice for 13 years. I also said yes to everything, apologized for existing, and thought that was just the job.
I left surgery to raise my 2 boys, and I’ve been a certified executive coach for 7 years, working with women in midlife who are done being everything for everyone. Last year I founded The Doctor’s Pivot, where I build coaching businesses for women physicians. I love comedy and color, and I’m addicted to West Coast Swing, so if you’re ever in Austin, come find me on the dance floor.
I teach this because I needed it first, and some days, I still do.
Take the slides. It’s not rude. I’m offering.
Consider it your first chance to practice receiving.